When you break up

When you break up


Don't ask for the gifts back. Its so mean. Can you still remember the happiness you felt when you gave that presents to him? If you ask them back you will not remain even with this. You will not have even the memories. Now, maybe you want him death. And you want to die also. You think of hundreds of ways to heart him. But nothing seems good enough to fulfil your hate. To cause pain to the person that you once loved so much is like drinking cabbage pickle in the desert.

To act with pride seems to be the only way. Its spirit on open wound. It burns and cleans. Don't tell to your friends your story. They love you unconditionaly and they will speak bad about him just to make you fell better. But they weren't in your bed when he made you shake by only one touch. They weren't there when he was licking your wounds made by the wars and battles of every day. They weren't in the house of your soul. What is then the purpose of resorting to them?

You are alone with your pain and if you want to get out you have to breath deep and dip in it until it ends. You have to love him until your love turns into water and gets out of you.

Love him though he isn't there. It will be like you go and throw yourself crazy into a wall. Hundred of times. The wall will break your bones and your skin, will tear to pieces your cloths till you lose power and give up in the dust. You will fall asleep deep and when you'll wake up everything will seem to you like a nightmare and you'll try to remember it again. The morning sun will not give you time and you'll forget. Every day that will pass you'll try to forget...Cure yourself alone! This is what you can do for yourself.

After all, the higher it will be the wall you build around you, the better will be the one that will jump it. In your case- other person. Open to whom you feel you have to.

After a while it will came a him, crazy enough and as lonely as you and will climb the wall. Till the top. And will find you there in the yard , doing anything, and will see how you stay there, without thinking you'll be found. And that day will be the day of a new biginning.

Because of so much quiteness you will have forgot to speak, because of so much silence you will have forgot to hear, because of so much boredom you will have forgot to laugh and because of so much lonelyness you will have forgot that you are alone and that this may end. From the top of the wall he will smile to you and get down in your yard to teach you everything that you have forgot. Only one thing he won't teach you: that after a while you will suffer again and that the pain will come back, but i think this is written to happen' to us on this lands that we sow and gather from once a year.

I'm a Dutchman if we need someone to suffer in order to heal ourselves afterwards!

Nothing else

Everything changes..we learn this from the first days of leaving...and we face this as often as we can tell it. When I started writing on this blog I was sad...that is most of the time the reason that we begin to write...And now I m alone...and maybe sad..but not the same kind of saddnes...I m dissapointed because I thought I gave my trust and my love to a wonderful person...and I was wrong...or things changed...or they where never the way i believed...

When you have to face the truth

Its hard to face the truth even if you always knew it and sometimes you've tryed to put youself in the situation of the things that you're afraid of becoming true. Last night I've realised that the lie I've tryed to keep in my mind for the past months and days has to end...so I stop doing myself harm..and the people around me.
Its not enough to love somebody with all your heart to be happy...and its not enough for him to love you...it all depends on 'how much' the other wants to be with you and fight for your smile. To see the smile of the person you love its the best gift you can recieve...and you can't buy it with anything.
I've been trough some hard moments lately...and I put it all on the lack of luck that I've always have and on the fact that the people around me, that I've always tried to help...now, turned their back on me...I trought till some days ago that things will be better...and that if I wish something and someone so much, it may come true...but I've realised once you go 2 different ways...that the distance on the road can't be made smaller with anything...that it becomes bigger and bigger every day...and every night...till the one you wished to fall asleep with every night doesn't even dream at your smile anymore...because he find another one...And that is the End of something...that you thought it was a love ...as a little child and you watched it become big...and took care of it.