M-am uitat aseara la Sinteza zilei din intamplare si am ascultat muta de uimire o fata de 11 ani, o romanca care ne reprezinta tara, castigand concurs dupa concurs la festivalurile de gen si de care la noi in tara nimeni nu prea stie nimic. In schimb toti stim cine e Sexy Braileanca, Nickita, Bianca lui Bote, Ricky Martin ex-sofer, Moni Columbeanu. Am motive sa fiu mandra ca sunt romanca? NU...eu nu am ales sa ma nasc aici iar statul( forma organizationala menita sa apere interesele cetatenilor sai) nu-mi ofera nimic, nici macar posibilitatea de a realiza ceva, de a demonstra ca tinerii valoreaza si ca au " cu ce".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Kxp1nzQTbc
marți, 22 septembrie 2009
duminică, 2 august 2009
Everything happenes for a reason
Acesta este lucrul pe care toata lumea il spune atunci cand se intampla ceva. Ei bine, eu nu cred asta. Cred ca facem greseli...destul de multe ...si ca ceea ce ni se intampla ne-o facem cu mana nostra si prin urmare se numeste lucru manual si trebuie sa acceptam si sa primim ceea ce meritam.
Totul din jur e guvernat de aparente...si in principiu prima impresie pe care ti-o faci despre o persoana e falsa...ca zambetul pe care-l afiseaza cel de langa tine, prieten sau doar cunoscut atunci cand vrea sa-ti ceara o favoare. De la aspectele legate de vestimentatie cele mai multe persoane raman ancorate in zona ...cum arata fizic o persoana...si nu ce e persoana respectiva, ce gandeste...cum e ca om.
Trebuie sa marturisesc ca nu-s revoltata pe aceasta teorie a falsului...sunt doar dezamagita...pentru ca in cei 23 de ani ai mei..m-am inselat, cu minuscule exceptii, in privinta tuturor persoanelor pe care le-am cunoscut cu o imprejurare sau alta. Mai exact, acele persoane m-au dezamagit. Si tocmai cand credeam altceva..am cunoscut o persoana care m-a impresionat pentru ceea ce era..ca om si ca profesionist..si mi-a placut ca aveam cateva idei ...comune. Credeam ca as putea sa cunosc omnul asta, ca as putea sa am incredere in el. Si din nou...m-am inselat...mi-am format o impresie abinitio gresita scotandu-l din sfera celor care nu sunt intersati de artificial...
Totul din jur e guvernat de aparente...si in principiu prima impresie pe care ti-o faci despre o persoana e falsa...ca zambetul pe care-l afiseaza cel de langa tine, prieten sau doar cunoscut atunci cand vrea sa-ti ceara o favoare. De la aspectele legate de vestimentatie cele mai multe persoane raman ancorate in zona ...cum arata fizic o persoana...si nu ce e persoana respectiva, ce gandeste...cum e ca om.
Trebuie sa marturisesc ca nu-s revoltata pe aceasta teorie a falsului...sunt doar dezamagita...pentru ca in cei 23 de ani ai mei..m-am inselat, cu minuscule exceptii, in privinta tuturor persoanelor pe care le-am cunoscut cu o imprejurare sau alta. Mai exact, acele persoane m-au dezamagit. Si tocmai cand credeam altceva..am cunoscut o persoana care m-a impresionat pentru ceea ce era..ca om si ca profesionist..si mi-a placut ca aveam cateva idei ...comune. Credeam ca as putea sa cunosc omnul asta, ca as putea sa am incredere in el. Si din nou...m-am inselat...mi-am format o impresie abinitio gresita scotandu-l din sfera celor care nu sunt intersati de artificial...
sâmbătă, 18 iulie 2009
When you break up
When you break up
Don't ask for the gifts back. Its so mean. Can you still remember the happiness you felt when you gave that presents to him? If you ask them back you will not remain even with this. You will not have even the memories. Now, maybe you want him death. And you want to die also. You think of hundreds of ways to heart him. But nothing seems good enough to fulfil your hate. To cause pain to the person that you once loved so much is like drinking cabbage pickle in the desert.
To act with pride seems to be the only way. Its spirit on open wound. It burns and cleans. Don't tell to your friends your story. They love you unconditionaly and they will speak bad about him just to make you fell better. But they weren't in your bed when he made you shake by only one touch. They weren't there when he was licking your wounds made by the wars and battles of every day. They weren't in the house of your soul. What is then the purpose of resorting to them?
You are alone with your pain and if you want to get out you have to breath deep and dip in it until it ends. You have to love him until your love turns into water and gets out of you.
Love him though he isn't there. It will be like you go and throw yourself crazy into a wall. Hundred of times. The wall will break your bones and your skin, will tear to pieces your cloths till you lose power and give up in the dust. You will fall asleep deep and when you'll wake up everything will seem to you like a nightmare and you'll try to remember it again. The morning sun will not give you time and you'll forget. Every day that will pass you'll try to forget...Cure yourself alone! This is what you can do for yourself.
After all, the higher it will be the wall you build around you, the better will be the one that will jump it. In your case- other person. Open to whom you feel you have to.
After a while it will came a him, crazy enough and as lonely as you and will climb the wall. Till the top. And will find you there in the yard , doing anything, and will see how you stay there, without thinking you'll be found. And that day will be the day of a new biginning.
Because of so much quiteness you will have forgot to speak, because of so much silence you will have forgot to hear, because of so much boredom you will have forgot to laugh and because of so much lonelyness you will have forgot that you are alone and that this may end. From the top of the wall he will smile to you and get down in your yard to teach you everything that you have forgot. Only one thing he won't teach you: that after a while you will suffer again and that the pain will come back, but i think this is written to happen' to us on this lands that we sow and gather from once a year.
I'm a Dutchman if we need someone to suffer in order to heal ourselves afterwards!
Don't ask for the gifts back. Its so mean. Can you still remember the happiness you felt when you gave that presents to him? If you ask them back you will not remain even with this. You will not have even the memories. Now, maybe you want him death. And you want to die also. You think of hundreds of ways to heart him. But nothing seems good enough to fulfil your hate. To cause pain to the person that you once loved so much is like drinking cabbage pickle in the desert.
To act with pride seems to be the only way. Its spirit on open wound. It burns and cleans. Don't tell to your friends your story. They love you unconditionaly and they will speak bad about him just to make you fell better. But they weren't in your bed when he made you shake by only one touch. They weren't there when he was licking your wounds made by the wars and battles of every day. They weren't in the house of your soul. What is then the purpose of resorting to them?
You are alone with your pain and if you want to get out you have to breath deep and dip in it until it ends. You have to love him until your love turns into water and gets out of you.
Love him though he isn't there. It will be like you go and throw yourself crazy into a wall. Hundred of times. The wall will break your bones and your skin, will tear to pieces your cloths till you lose power and give up in the dust. You will fall asleep deep and when you'll wake up everything will seem to you like a nightmare and you'll try to remember it again. The morning sun will not give you time and you'll forget. Every day that will pass you'll try to forget...Cure yourself alone! This is what you can do for yourself.
After all, the higher it will be the wall you build around you, the better will be the one that will jump it. In your case- other person. Open to whom you feel you have to.
After a while it will came a him, crazy enough and as lonely as you and will climb the wall. Till the top. And will find you there in the yard , doing anything, and will see how you stay there, without thinking you'll be found. And that day will be the day of a new biginning.
Because of so much quiteness you will have forgot to speak, because of so much silence you will have forgot to hear, because of so much boredom you will have forgot to laugh and because of so much lonelyness you will have forgot that you are alone and that this may end. From the top of the wall he will smile to you and get down in your yard to teach you everything that you have forgot. Only one thing he won't teach you: that after a while you will suffer again and that the pain will come back, but i think this is written to happen' to us on this lands that we sow and gather from once a year.
I'm a Dutchman if we need someone to suffer in order to heal ourselves afterwards!
Nothing else
Everything changes..we learn this from the first days of leaving...and we face this as often as we can tell it. When I started writing on this blog I was sad...that is most of the time the reason that we begin to write...And now I m alone...and maybe sad..but not the same kind of saddnes...I m dissapointed because I thought I gave my trust and my love to a wonderful person...and I was wrong...or things changed...or they where never the way i believed...
duminică, 12 iulie 2009
When you have to face the truth
Its hard to face the truth even if you always knew it and sometimes you've tryed to put youself in the situation of the things that you're afraid of becoming true. Last night I've realised that the lie I've tryed to keep in my mind for the past months and days has to end...so I stop doing myself harm..and the people around me.
Its not enough to love somebody with all your heart to be happy...and its not enough for him to love you...it all depends on 'how much' the other wants to be with you and fight for your smile. To see the smile of the person you love its the best gift you can recieve...and you can't buy it with anything.
I've been trough some hard moments lately...and I put it all on the lack of luck that I've always have and on the fact that the people around me, that I've always tried to help...now, turned their back on me...I trought till some days ago that things will be better...and that if I wish something and someone so much, it may come true...but I've realised once you go 2 different ways...that the distance on the road can't be made smaller with anything...that it becomes bigger and bigger every day...and every night...till the one you wished to fall asleep with every night doesn't even dream at your smile anymore...because he find another one...And that is the End of something...that you thought it was a love ...as a little child and you watched it become big...and took care of it.
joi, 28 mai 2009
The empty streets....
I remember that some years ago i got at a poem contest a book signed by a nice poet and journalist Radu Herjeu. He wrote me on the first page: "To Olivia, a life full of crossroads". What he wanted to tell me? I didn't understood...
I always liked to spend quality time with friends ...but also i like to spend time by myself...to think, write or just doing nothing...I like to go alone shopping...i think its the best way to find what are you looking for...because none can distract your attention or hurry you. I like to think of myself as a different person than the ones around me...not better...just different.
I don t know why i began to write about myself tonight...mybe because i m trying to make the courage to leave ....Where? Good question...The answer: I don t know.
Untill 1 hour ago i thought that my feelings weren t wrong and that i don t depend on a decision over a thing. I always thought is a bad thing to depend on something. But now...now i m tired....I m tired to hear everytime the same lines...to thibk at the same things...if the shop closes. I m tired of being stressed everyday and asking myself what shoud i do if the shop closes. And how i ended here? To depend on this? I don t realy know now...but looking behind , 1 hour ago... i thought ...even i never heared it that he loves me...and that we are going to be together even if the shop closes.
Why i believed that? Because i gave everything to this relationship. I was 100% and i did this because i thought he cares also...that i m not just ...while i m here. But i guess i was wrong. With the simple calm of a man that i have loved almost 2 years that is telling me..if this thing happens...i leave this city...And me???
It s night and the streets are empty now. You can drive a car in the black fresh air of the night without none realising where your headed... Its empty my soul also...because i wasn t good enough, beautiful enough to be loved ....by the only man i wished i were
I always liked to spend quality time with friends ...but also i like to spend time by myself...to think, write or just doing nothing...I like to go alone shopping...i think its the best way to find what are you looking for...because none can distract your attention or hurry you. I like to think of myself as a different person than the ones around me...not better...just different.
I don t know why i began to write about myself tonight...mybe because i m trying to make the courage to leave ....Where? Good question...The answer: I don t know.
Untill 1 hour ago i thought that my feelings weren t wrong and that i don t depend on a decision over a thing. I always thought is a bad thing to depend on something. But now...now i m tired....I m tired to hear everytime the same lines...to thibk at the same things...if the shop closes. I m tired of being stressed everyday and asking myself what shoud i do if the shop closes. And how i ended here? To depend on this? I don t realy know now...but looking behind , 1 hour ago... i thought ...even i never heared it that he loves me...and that we are going to be together even if the shop closes.
Why i believed that? Because i gave everything to this relationship. I was 100% and i did this because i thought he cares also...that i m not just ...while i m here. But i guess i was wrong. With the simple calm of a man that i have loved almost 2 years that is telling me..if this thing happens...i leave this city...And me???
It s night and the streets are empty now. You can drive a car in the black fresh air of the night without none realising where your headed... Its empty my soul also...because i wasn t good enough, beautiful enough to be loved ....by the only man i wished i were
luni, 9 martie 2009
HAPPILY NEVER AFTER
I wish i could instantly write a love poem to describe my lovely boyfriend...as, i'm not so good these days at poetry, i choose to photograph him everyday with my eyes and save those shots in my heart and let the world know how much i love him...
I meant to strat writing these lines long ago...but i always hesitated...thinking how i would feel reading...in time these words...and remembering everything.
I'm sad tonight like i have been lately because things happen' arround me and i can't do anything to stop them...to turn them into good things. Dragutelul meu...i waited so much to meet you...i didn't knew it will be you exactly the person i was wating here..in cluj...but i realised that in time. I fall inlove with your smile...althought i hated it at the beginning ...and thought you are un-attractive...the night when we when out and you took me to the coffe-shop in sigma.You were talking, and probably trying to impress me...but i coludn't understand what you were saying..i was just looking ...you had something, i colundn't say what ...but i liked it. As we keep on meeting i began to know you...and i discovered a wonderful person. I knew back then you weren't allowed for me..you were taken. I spend the hollidays that time trying to convince myself i shouldn't see you anymore..in other way than just friend...or acquaintance, and went partying every nite, met guys, girls, drunk a lot, got kissed with different guys to see and to prove to myself i don't care. But the harder i tried to lay to myself...the less i began to believe in my lay.
After we meet again...i couln't see you so unhappy...so sad...and i tried to do everything i could to help you pass the situation...and to respect your decisions. It was hard for me...to know i made love with you and you were thinking at the other. Then i decided to leave your life...i looked for another job...i said to myself i will have everything ready untill you come back from your Eastern vacantion in Greece. But you send me messages...and everyday that passed and you were there i missed you so much...i got butterfiles in my stomac thinking of you coming back...i remembered how good i felt when we went to Iasi and we stayed there..without none knowing us...i could fell your hand in mine...i could fell your breath in the mornings...and you came back...and i was so happy...and you made me yours in a way that none did...and never will.
I had greath moments...greath vacantion in greece...greath breakfasts in the bed that served as table, greath coffees, greath gifts. I had the best birthday in my life...just because i was with you...in your arms. I had greath moments...best of all...I learned a lot about myself, about love and relationship...and i learned how to love. I descovered myself and you....you that are everything i ever wished in a man...in the man that will stand next to me.
I believe we can only find true love once in a life...that ridiculous, uttter, romantic and passionate love. I found it...and i enjoyed it for a while. I tried to protect it...to make it grow...but not everything depended on me. You may say time heals everything, time will help you forget, time will bring other love or other emotions, time will give you that chance to meet other greath guys.But guess what? I don't want time to pass, i don't need it to help me do anything, i don't and i will not want to replace anything....cause my dragutel is unique, he was ....the one for me....eventhought i wasn't for him.
I promissed to myself i will go one day alone for a vacantion in greece. I want to discover as much as i will have the chance that country...to visit places and to believe that he once was there. Maybe one day he will understand how much i loved him...maybe not...maybe we will meet someday...somehow....but i know i will always keep his face in my heart.
I wish one day he will love someone the way i love him...and that person will love him back the same way...i wish he will be as happy as he deserves...
I meant to strat writing these lines long ago...but i always hesitated...thinking how i would feel reading...in time these words...and remembering everything.
I'm sad tonight like i have been lately because things happen' arround me and i can't do anything to stop them...to turn them into good things. Dragutelul meu...i waited so much to meet you...i didn't knew it will be you exactly the person i was wating here..in cluj...but i realised that in time. I fall inlove with your smile...althought i hated it at the beginning ...and thought you are un-attractive...the night when we when out and you took me to the coffe-shop in sigma.You were talking, and probably trying to impress me...but i coludn't understand what you were saying..i was just looking ...you had something, i colundn't say what ...but i liked it. As we keep on meeting i began to know you...and i discovered a wonderful person. I knew back then you weren't allowed for me..you were taken. I spend the hollidays that time trying to convince myself i shouldn't see you anymore..in other way than just friend...or acquaintance, and went partying every nite, met guys, girls, drunk a lot, got kissed with different guys to see and to prove to myself i don't care. But the harder i tried to lay to myself...the less i began to believe in my lay.
After we meet again...i couln't see you so unhappy...so sad...and i tried to do everything i could to help you pass the situation...and to respect your decisions. It was hard for me...to know i made love with you and you were thinking at the other. Then i decided to leave your life...i looked for another job...i said to myself i will have everything ready untill you come back from your Eastern vacantion in Greece. But you send me messages...and everyday that passed and you were there i missed you so much...i got butterfiles in my stomac thinking of you coming back...i remembered how good i felt when we went to Iasi and we stayed there..without none knowing us...i could fell your hand in mine...i could fell your breath in the mornings...and you came back...and i was so happy...and you made me yours in a way that none did...and never will.
I had greath moments...greath vacantion in greece...greath breakfasts in the bed that served as table, greath coffees, greath gifts. I had the best birthday in my life...just because i was with you...in your arms. I had greath moments...best of all...I learned a lot about myself, about love and relationship...and i learned how to love. I descovered myself and you....you that are everything i ever wished in a man...in the man that will stand next to me.
I believe we can only find true love once in a life...that ridiculous, uttter, romantic and passionate love. I found it...and i enjoyed it for a while. I tried to protect it...to make it grow...but not everything depended on me. You may say time heals everything, time will help you forget, time will bring other love or other emotions, time will give you that chance to meet other greath guys.But guess what? I don't want time to pass, i don't need it to help me do anything, i don't and i will not want to replace anything....cause my dragutel is unique, he was ....the one for me....eventhought i wasn't for him.
I promissed to myself i will go one day alone for a vacantion in greece. I want to discover as much as i will have the chance that country...to visit places and to believe that he once was there. Maybe one day he will understand how much i loved him...maybe not...maybe we will meet someday...somehow....but i know i will always keep his face in my heart.
I wish one day he will love someone the way i love him...and that person will love him back the same way...i wish he will be as happy as he deserves...
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